Sunday, January 18, 2009

My take on the Golden Globes

Get ready for some major snarkiness...I'm just in that mood!


Blake...you KNOW I love you. You are a hot, amazing piece of sweet young patooty. This dress, however, was a very BAD choice. It makes you look like a snausage. For real. WHO TOLD YOU THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA? Do you NEED a stylist? Cause I know a super cute hot young thang who's just about to graduate from UNC who'd be the perfect match for you. Seriously. Call me...


Brooke. Brooke, Brooke, Brooke. There are just no words to describe how jealous I am of you. Who would have thought that the tauts would work out so well for you. OK, so maybe it was the all night dancing on Dancing With the Stars and the complete lack of caloric intake for God knows how long. Whatever. You look AMAZING. Cheers!



Cam...I have to say, I'm a little let down. The dress, obviously, is to die for. But the hair...I don't get it. Are they extensions? And if so, what with the roots? If you put all that time and effort into the hot bod and the fab dress, why not spend an extra hour with your hair guy for some highlights? Just sayin...



Demi...I will simply say this: Not at all the dress I would've chosen for you...but if I look 1/18th that hot when I'm your age I will be be so, so happy!



Eva Longoria...for the love of Pete! You are a fine young thing! What's with the severe hairstyle and the pissed off pose? Seriously. Have some fun! Soon, you'll be with child and the fun will be OVER. Get it? Work it while you can!



Evan Rachel Wood...whatever Beeotch. You're just...bitchy. Eat some crackers for goodness' sake. Have some fun. Life's too short for all that bitchiness.



Eva Mendes...SIMPLY...GORGEOUS. For real girl. Clearly, you've kicked that "exhaustion" habit or whatever the heck was keeping you in rehab. You look gorgeous. Personally, I'm a bit of a weakling for the turquoise. It's just fab. It's all fab, really. You look super.



Jennifer Lopez...OKY DOKY. Really. I mean, we get it. You had twins and now you're in super duper shape. Great for you. You'll still never be skinnier than your husband. Is that the problem? Really? 'Cause that would be a problem for me. Just sayin...



Sandra Bullock...for a while there I was concerned. I mean, you just seemed so HAPPY in your marriage and perhaps you'd let things get a little, um, fluffy. It's all good! This, however, is overthetopfantabulous. Really. You look amazing. Again, I'm all about the white/turquoise look. Well played. Rock on.



And Debra Messing...in some weird, pathetic way...I like you. I really like you. So I forgive you this absolute navy, slack ass boob disaster, and will focus on this gorgeous, architectural ensemble from the People's Choice Awards...



Really, where IS Rachel Zoe when you need her? Did someone forget to feed her some asparagus?

6 comments:

Piper Jacquelyn said...

You're hilarious! And I could honestly hardly think after seeing Brooke Burke's dress - not one I had seen before & WOW, not good!

Mrs. Newlywed said...

I agree with the Blake dress. SERIOUSLY it looks two sizes too small, and her hair looks like she just got out of bed.

Eva Mendes = amazingly beautiful

Henley on the Horn said...

You are hilarious!! Love all of your comments.

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Sippycups, you are FAB-U-LOUS! I love it!

Princess Freckles said...

haha! Love it! And I agree! Eva Mendes...winner...hands down!

Preppy Napkin said...

you are cracking me up. you need to be on the red carpet with all of your commentary!