Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Authenticity

As part of my New Year's resolution (and I'm sure a gazillion other people's resolutions) I committed to working out more this year. Not necessarily for weight loss (although losing that extra 20 lbs. wouldn't hurt), but for health and peace of mind. I say PEACE because I could use a little!

As I walked on the treadmill yesterday I saw that Rosie O'Donnell was on Oprah. I'm really not a Rosie fan. I mean, REALLY not a Rosie fan. I hate her political views and I find her abrasive and annoying. For some reason, however, I felt the need to listen. As I listened, I felt so incredibly enlightened. She talked about her kids, her value of family, and her constant CRAVING to live an authentic life. I've heard Oprah talk about living an authentic life for years now. I kind of brushed it off as bunk and moved on. Whatever. Authentic? How can you get more authentic than the everyday chaos of babies, diapers, carpool, dinner, sleepless nights, potty training, etc?

The past few months, however, have made me re-evaluate my version of an authentic life. I've had to be honest with myself. I mean...REALLY honest. Hearing Rosie say that it was so telling to her to know that her kids knew she was happy once she was living a truly authentic life almost made me fall off the treadmill. IT IS MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. My kids have even made a point of telling me that throughout this separation and divorce they can tell that I'm happier, and in their own words, living a more authentic life. The things that I valued before aren't so important anymore. I'm vividly aware of the fact that a: I married too young and b: I married a man who I thought I could change (and Dad PLEASE don't perseverate on this) and was too old for me. We had more of a parent-child relationship than a husband-wife relationship. That is not to say that he did't teach me A LOT. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to make me happy.

I have to give tons of credit to my soon to be ex-husband because he really has handled this situation with as much class and grace as possible. We certainly have our moments, but I'm SO happy and relieved to know that in the end, we will always be friends and we both have our children's interests at heart. We were and always will be a family, traditional or not. We still have dinner together once a week...he's started calling me with dating questions (awkward!), and I do value his opinion on certain issues, as he does mine.

I guess my point is that the big D word isn't always the kiss of death. Yes, I'm happy. I've moved on. Has he? Will he ever really? I doubt it. But that's just who he is and I have to accept that.

In my twenties I always thought that 35 was REALLY old. Now, I can't wait to turn 40! My 30's (and I'm just barely 34) have been such a learning experience. I'm ready for the real fun and the true AUTHENTICITY.

19 comments:

MCW said...

I am only a couple of years younger then you and our lives are kind of completely different. But, I love reading about yours...

Bama Girl in AZ said...

great post! I am going through a similar position in my life currently. At 33 starting over after getting married at 20!

susan said...

That was such a great post and even though I don't know you - I love your attitude about all of this and your spirit! I'm also so impressed that you all have dinner together once a week - way to go!

Preppy 101 said...

Reading this post is exactly like hearing what a really close friend of mine has said over and over. You and she would definitely be best friends if you ever met. How wonderful that you are happy! Your children will be so much happier for the rest of their lives as a result of all that has transpired. I so need to get my rear on the treadmill. xoxo

caycee said...

I'm so glad that you ar happy and that your kids can tell that is awesome!

kristi said...

What a very Authentic post.....makes me think. makes me reflect on my own life right now. thank you!

Lisa G said...

Amazing--we kever know what hand we are going to be dealt. Sometimes our hand looks a lot like someone elses.I admire your honest and authentic blog.

I hope my children tell me the same thing soon.

Thanks for the inspriation and hope.
---Lisa---

Meghan said...

Oh sorry! I forgot to add.. and if there is any guidance you could give me (I know this isn't an advice column..!), I would greatly appreciate it. You definitely seem to have it together.. and i am STILL dealing with this shizz!

Thanks,
Meg
You can find me on twitter (meganders26) or facebook (Marquette/Milwaukee Network) so you know I'm not some crazy stalker.

Again, feel the need to not publish.....

linda said...

Yay! I am so so happy for you and your family...a happy mom, makes for happy kids.

SC Crew said...

I too am going through a similar situation. I married a man 11 years older and he thought he could change me. I thought I knew what made me happy, but through my separation I've realized what truly does make me happy.

I wish you and your children all the best. I'm glad that your soon to be ex-husband is treating you with class because that rarely happens these days.

Preppy Napkin said...

well said! cheers...

debra said...

Glad you are doing well and your kids see it too.

I'm trying to spend more time on the treadmill this year, too!

Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails said...

What a great post.
Do you mind me asking HOW much older your husband is? My husband is quite a bit older than me, and SOMETIMES I feel like he is being a 2nd mother to me (I only say MOm because my mom was and is the parent who voices her "opinions" and advice/suggestions more).
I NEVER noticed this quality of my husband's until after we bought a house together. Just curious!
Glad you are happy now! :)

Sippycups said...

Kiwis and Cocktails...My husband is 17 years older than me...

Happy Homemaker said...

I don't know if there's enough room in our town for TWO authentically happy people- hahaha!

I DO DECLARE said...

I love it when bloggers are as candid as you were in this post! I also love it when people embrace their age...not that we early 30's girls are "old" but I certainly feel far wiser than I did even in my late 20's. Good luck living authentically - if you can be moved by way of Rosie, you're well on your way :)

The Southern Girl said...

Are you sure you haven't lived my life??? Sounds like a mirror image of what my life was. I'm excited for you!

Kimba said...

I reread this a few times, it makes me really think about things. Thank you.

Melissa said...

Wow. Good for you for taking steps to change your life and be happy!