Authenticity

As part of my New Year's resolution (and I'm sure a gazillion other people's resolutions) I committed to working out more this year. Not necessarily for weight loss (although losing that extra 20 lbs. wouldn't hurt), but for health and peace of mind. I say PEACE because I could use a little!

As I walked on the treadmill yesterday I saw that Rosie O'Donnell was on Oprah. I'm really not a Rosie fan. I mean, REALLY not a Rosie fan. I hate her political views and I find her abrasive and annoying. For some reason, however, I felt the need to listen. As I listened, I felt so incredibly enlightened. She talked about her kids, her value of family, and her constant CRAVING to live an authentic life. I've heard Oprah talk about living an authentic life for years now. I kind of brushed it off as bunk and moved on. Whatever. Authentic? How can you get more authentic than the everyday chaos of babies, diapers, carpool, dinner, sleepless nights, potty training, etc?

The past few months, however, have made me re-evaluate my version of an authentic life. I've had to be honest with myself. I mean...REALLY honest. Hearing Rosie say that it was so telling to her to know that her kids knew she was happy once she was living a truly authentic life almost made me fall off the treadmill. IT IS MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. My kids have even made a point of telling me that throughout this separation and divorce they can tell that I'm happier, and in their own words, living a more authentic life. The things that I valued before aren't so important anymore. I'm vividly aware of the fact that a: I married too young and b: I married a man who I thought I could change (and Dad PLEASE don't perseverate on this) and was too old for me. We had more of a parent-child relationship than a husband-wife relationship. That is not to say that he did't teach me A LOT. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to make me happy.

I have to give tons of credit to my soon to be ex-husband because he really has handled this situation with as much class and grace as possible. We certainly have our moments, but I'm SO happy and relieved to know that in the end, we will always be friends and we both have our children's interests at heart. We were and always will be a family, traditional or not. We still have dinner together once a week...he's started calling me with dating questions (awkward!), and I do value his opinion on certain issues, as he does mine.

I guess my point is that the big D word isn't always the kiss of death. Yes, I'm happy. I've moved on. Has he? Will he ever really? I doubt it. But that's just who he is and I have to accept that.

In my twenties I always thought that 35 was REALLY old. Now, I can't wait to turn 40! My 30's (and I'm just barely 34) have been such a learning experience. I'm ready for the real fun and the true AUTHENTICITY.