Saturday, February 7, 2009

Ahhh, but let me be clear

I've had many wonderful comments on my "25 things" post. As can be expected, I've also had some not so wonderful comments.

To those who have commented on my insensitive insistance that people should not have kids if they aren't prepared to send them to college:
Sorry, but I stand firm. I'm not saying that everyone should or will go to college. Obviously, there are those who won't. However, I feel very strongly that a responsible parent should be prepared to offer the option to their child should they want it.
As for my kids...I certainly can't force them to do anything, but I will STRONGLY encourage them to go to a four year college. It's an experience that I consider very important and I know that not having that degree can make life very difficult.
An additional aside...if you insist on leaving comments berating me for assuming everyone should go to college, perhaps you could utilize the spell check/grammar option?

28 comments:

P said...

I agree with you 100%! If you're going to bring kids into this world, you should be prepared to afford them the opportunity to become educated, productive members of society. It's a parent's responsiblity.

lauren said...

Much agreed, Sippycups. I didn't see any of the comments, but if there were spelling/grammar errors then those readers were just proving your point.

Part of having kids is being prepared to have kids and offer them a life!

Katie said...

I love the smack back about the spelling. And agree that parents should be prepared to send kids to college.

Ned said...

I too believe this. It's called planning people put the money aside! It makes me sick for kids to start out in debt with student loans. I couldn't imagine having had that debt when I was first on my own.

Lisa said...

I just wanted to say that I admired you for saying that! I am just a few years out of grad school but the best gift my parents EVER gave me was my education. I, too, believe it is a parents' responsibility to give their children the college option if he or she so chooses. I know my parents saw it as an investment. I will do the same for my children - no matter what it takes. And, as much as I would like to have a large family, I will ONLY do so if I can provide for them the way my parents provided for me.

Mrs. Potts said...

I have to point out that sometimes situations are beyond people's control. My father left my mother when she was pregnant with me. It was a horrible situation for her to b in and she did the very best she could. She encouraged me to go to college and I pursued that, knowing that she would not be able to pay for it. I have student loans. I also have a great education and a wonderful career. She never walked into the situation she was in thinking that my father would up & leave her (& me as a consequence).

I do agree that people should not have children who can't afford to take care of them and give them the best opportunities that they can. Sometimes, however, things do happen beyond people's control.

Hokie Girl said...

I'm with Lisa. I was very blessed to have wonderful, hard working parents who gave me the gift of college. In fact, my dad vowed to make it possible for my brother and I to attend a college because he knew from experience how hard it was to do on your own (he was a full time student, worked full time, married and had 2 children over an 11 year period, but finally got his degree). My husband and I are doing our best to prepare for our child to be able to attend college as well because I feel that I want him to have the same opportunity as I did. Thanks for your post! It was great!

The Rauths said...

you crack me up...the last line! =) i 100% agree and slightly funny to the timing of this topic as hubs and i just had this conversation with a couple who did not agree. we will pay for 4 years of undergrad; kids will be responsible for post grad work. the other couple said parents should not pay for any college. i nearly DIED.

parents should be prepared to send their kids to college, pay for health insurance, let them play sports/art/drama/church...parents should do their absolute best to instill values and provide a childhood that will give them the best foundation for the rest of their life. and that does include college -- be it an ivy league, fashion school or community college. it was not an option in my family. you went to college. my parents paid as much as they could afford with five kids and since i went to a private college, i took on school loans (which will be all paid off in September!! woo hoo go us!).anyhow, i love that you speak your mind and stand firm.

debra said...

I am with you on that! I also agree that being able to provide higher education to our children is our responsibility. I have openly mentioned that to people in the past and have gotten some of the same type of comments you appeared to have gotten. But I won't budge in my opinion!

Belle on Heels said...

Bahahaha....LOVE the comment about the grammar!! You shouldn't have to defend your comment. This is YOUR blog and it's 25 things about YOU. Poo to people who can't respect others' opinions.

Lilysmom said...

Yes, and those that don't have something nice to add...STOP READING the blog! I enjoy reading it!

Grove Gals said...

I have tears streaming down my cheeks after reading the last line of your post...I am laughing much too hard! I simply can't imagine saying I love you now get yourself 100k in debt ...and don't even get me started on that woman who just had 8 babies to bring her total up to 14 and had the nerve to tell Anne Curry that she can give them love...and now obviously millions of dollars of welfare

Southern Mom said...

I 2nd Kaie's comment about the smack back. You are too funny! My parents paid for my 8 years of undergraduate and graduate school and it really is a wonderful gift if a parent can afford it.

kclark said...

I was having computer problems so I'm not sure if my initial post registered. I want to make sure I am clear and that I am not misunderstanding what you are saying. Are you saying my parents shouldn't have had me if they couldn't pay for a full college education? My parents paid for a portion, scholarship paid for half and the rest I took in student loans (now all paid up). My husband's tuition was fully paid by his parents but most of my friends had some sort of student loan. Am I understanding you correctly that their parents shouldn't have had children? I'll be curious to see if you post my inquiry to clarify. Thanks!

Legallyblondemel said...

Heheheheh. Very well said, and for what it's worth - I'm absolutely on board with your college plan. To each their own, but for my family it is and will be a Grade 1 priority.

The Cleary's said...

Love it! Even if your kids do not choose to go to a university for four (short) years, at least you will be prepared to assist them!!! I will be forever paying back student loans since my parents did not do this!

Kappa Prep said...

I am so sorry people have not respected your opinion. This is your blog and therefore you can every right to offer your opinion. If someone does not like that they should go elsewhere.
I am right there with you on the college issue. I think that when you have a child you should be prepared to pay for that child. You should be willing to giving them every opportunity you are able. However, if it comes down to buying a new house or car or your child's tutition there should be NO question where the priority should lie. The gift of education will get everyone much farther than a cute car in the long run anyway!

Princess Freckles said...

I think you're right. Having children is a huge financial decision. I know that may sound strange, but kids are expensive, and if you can't afford (or aren't willing to sacrifice) to give them opportunities such as college, maybe you aren't ready for kids.

Preppy Mama said...

I couldn't agree with you more.

workinthatpreppy said...

well...my hubbie... who is an orthopedic surgeon, went to public schools. he is very successful and no one asks him if he went to public or private schools... I don't think it is a black and white issue. he says, "the cream rises to the top"... My children attend school with 50% hispanics /sometimes education isn't what you learn at school...i agree that i am totally responsible for my children's education.

Avery & Hailey said...

AMEN!!! I agree with you completely on the college issue!

EntertainingMom said...

I disagree with the college part... well, at least in terms of being able to pay for a child. Many of my friends have college loans to pay off. I never did. Everything was handed to me on a silver platter, and I think because of it I have lacked much of the drive that my friends had. I think my parents should have forced me to fend for myself. They always bailed me out. My dad was a very successful banker and yet he never taught me how to save. Sad really. So that is something I instill on my kids. I have 3 kids all in private school. Tuition, nearly $60 grand is killing us. We may have to pull the oldest one out in a year or so. That said our public schools here are absolutely phenomenal with tremendous arts and lanquages... the high school even offers a bacalaureat program. Did I spell that correctly? Also where I hail from, an hour outside NYC a starter home 2-3 BR fixer upper is about $500k. It's crazy. In the 6 months we have lived here we have had $10k of household expenses that were not budgeted for -- 2 lost furnaces (ouch!!!) a new dishwasher, a burst pipe that leaked through the kitchen ceiling and the removal of 5 trees that came crashing down on our property last summer. Our heating bill has been over $700 a month this winter. And should my husband ever lose his job who knows what would happen. We are saving furiously for retirement because while you can get college loans, you can't get retirement loans. I really hope I can pay for my kids college educations, but I have learned, over the course of these past 10 years (my oldest is 10) that life is not always as we plan! I would hope my kids not think I am a terrible mother should I not be able to pay their way through college.

I adore your blog and agree with 99% of your 25 things about me... we have a lot in common. I don't post regularly, but I wanted to voice my opinion here. I hope there is no offense taken.

Sheila said...

The woman who berated you sure is funny because she criticizes you for saying that parents should pay for their kids' college education- and then says that kids who don't go to collge will be pumping gas or packing groceries for her kids- Elitist much? Rush Limbaugh and Bill Gates- no college degree.

You were simply saying that college is a lifetime experience that parents should pay for, plan for even before they have kids. Wow- that's really hardcare.

MM said...

I completely agree with you! I feel horrible for my friends that are still paying off student loans!

kelly emerine said...

hi! i love your honesty. i have a question about a different topic though...I noticed the adorable chair paintings you found at etsy. what key words did you use to search? i am looking for artists that are similiar to her, and i can't seem to find it! thank you! kelly

Grove Gals said...

i think i remember you might love olive juice kids clothing like i do...use code COOKIE25 for 25% off the ENTIRE site...including shoes!

Preppy Pearl Girl said...

Umm, i'm in college and it is a RULE in my house! YOU GO GIRL for believing in it! My parents are probably like you and your husband are, they are wonderful providers and I want to follow them, college is the door to success! I believe in what you had to say 100%! I love your blog btw!

Cool Gal said...

I agree with you 100%. My husband and I have been saving for our son's education since he was born.

I have some strong opinions and I'm not afraid to write about them on my blog. If someone doesn't like it, go elsewhere. Why comment?

Great last line.